Here's a couple of insights worth thousands or millions of dollars!
(Revised from earlier post)
If you have a high “I” personality you are: “people oriented, trusting, persuasive, influencing, verbal, fun loving and creative. You make things happen and are frequently a source of inspiration.”
Heres the catch… Any strength overextended is a “weakness.” You will be TOO TRUSTING and at times, you who sell others so easily will be too EASILY PERSUADED yourself.
Here's the rabbis warning – You are setting yourself up for disappointment, because people will promise you things they will NOT deliver. These will be some REALLY NICE people. True believers.
And you will have three battles you could have avoided.
STEP 1. Disappointment. You won't get paid or delivered what you failed to get in writing. The hand shake and the hugs are not in ink and people have a tendency to rewrite history in their heads.
“By some peculiar axiom in the economic universe 9 times out of 10 anything involving money will be misunderstood by the party that owes it.” (Lance Wallnau)
STEP 2. Bitterness. You will realize something went wrong and will need to forgive them.
STEP 3. The other party knows deep down they didn't do the right thing and will avoid you. Sometimes they justify avoiding you by finding faults in you recently that they never saw so clearly when they needed your help. So now IRONICALLY you've lost a relationship you could have kept IF you had trusted them LESS and guarded the connection by having a letter of understanding about what they would do and what you would do.
Especially if this is not a straight up financial transaction and involves “bartering.” Bartering is done in the currency of some sort of service you will provide that is equal to money. It could be a service from them to you or you to them. Its best to put a dollar figure on the barter so there is no misunderstanding of the currency.
LISTEN: You won't want to do step 3 because it feels untrusting. What you don't know is that failing to do so leads to another scriptural rule – “give no place to the devil.” You expose the other person to temptation if you don't get your agreement in writing.
I've made this mistake so often I decided to write it out and explain it to myself in this post.
Point- trusting people err by being too trusting. Protect untested friendships by getting things in writing. You don't need a lawyer unless its a big deal. Just grab a piece of paper and write out with them what you are doing and what they are doing and date it and sign it and make a copy. Let them keep the original and put a smily face on it next to your signature.
Thats a classic high “I” personality style contract you'll be comfortable drafting.
P.S. theres another HUGE step to add to this but this is enough jewish meddling for now.
My dad always said, ………………. “If you can’t put it in writing, …………. it ain’t a real deal!”
thanks Lance – as a high ‘I’ in charge of a fairly large ministry – I have stumbled here so many times – but it is always good to hear wisdom from a fellow traveler – I will try to do step 3 more often even though it does feel untrusting. 🙂 . appreciate your heart – -keep doing it mate – Cheers MJW
Sweet! And thanks! I think I’ve just learned my first lesson in Life 101. And I will redo my blog.
Loretta McCutchen
Lance, Very wise counsel, thank you . Where were you when I needed you? Blessings my dear brother. Steve
Great advice.
WOW! yep this is me, well, so I needed a place to live prayed Lord you said Believe the impossible according to Mark 9:23 nothing is impossible to those ‘who’ believe so a 2 bd room, 2 bath, garage, fully furnished, fireplace would be nice, for 500.00 a month, includes utilities. Met a Christian gal at elections, ( I work the polls) she had just that!!!??? so I asked her to bring paper works and I will sign, she said no need !
after reading your letter Lance, I am gonna write something I don’t really know her, just we hit it off right away.
Thank you n Bless you
Yup! We learned this the hard way. I’m still baffled by people who don’t keep their word, but it doesn’t necessarily make them wrong, it can often mean I’m being inflexible…having everything written down leaves no room for error and relationships can continue to thrive. Something else we learned, if whomever you’re making your agreement with refuses to put it in writing, don’t work with them, it will only lead to disappointment.
Thanks for being a meddlesome Jew, Lance! We all need these nuggets of wisdom, bring it on.
I actually just recently lost my relationship with my sister-in-law and that’s exactly what happened, but lesson learned.
this has happened to me numerous times. i am a “high i” too and tend to be overly trusting.
A word of mouth contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on
Good stuff, this is the real world and love it DR.
Great article ! When will you disclose the “D” personality type.
We ministry Restoring the Foundations (restoration ministries Int’l) and use the Personality Profile before ministering to a person.
Lance we attend MStar and know you.
Jesus resisted the devil with ” it is written”. This is a great example of why it is important to write down your goals. If you don’t you will renegotiate with yourself over what you thought your goal was. My wife and I always say ” if its not in writing, it never happened”
Thanks Lance, Great stuff.