THE SIMPLE FORMULA that predicts with 90% accuracy your RELATIONSHIP compatibility
1. The real secret behind “Physical Chemistry”
2. “Personality Compatibility”
3. Same Values
You've probably heard about temperament profiles like DiSC and Meyers Briggs and others. But I heard something I've never forgotten about the core emotional drivers connected beneath these styles.
When I share it, those who hear are always impacted. Here goes….
People have a primary and a secondary emotional driver behind all their behavior. This means you have two shots at overlapping with one of the drivers in your significant other. If you don't overlap….beware.
NOTE: None of these is bad or good or better or best.
They simply are.
IS THIS YOU?
Emotional Need #1:
Significance. The need to make a difference, have an impact, leave a legacy, stand out from the crowd, occupy in a unique place, to be recognized for expertise, ideas, results. A drive to achieve and be known as the best in a particular thing.
Emotional Need #2:
Certainty. The need to control the variables that can cause pain or pleasure in your life. The drive to shape, direct, manage and order the things that can impact your life. A drive to eliminate, as much as possible, errors, miscalculation, mistakes so as to ensure success in what matters most.
Emotional Need #3.
Uncertainty. The need for variety, creativity, spontaneity. The thrill of discovery and the challenge of the unknown. A drive to be in the moment and do what is new, novel, future-oriented, discovering, exploring the possibilities.
Emotional Need #4.
Connection. Intimacy, being one, going to the core, deep empathic communication, knowing fully, engaging 100% in the moment, spirituality in its essence, transcending, going to the feelings at the deepest level within.
a.) We each have all four… but one or two are dominant.
b.) Your children have two of these as dominant. Don't remake them in your image. Affirm their design.
c.) Any time you can meet all four needs you form an ADDICTION.
Not all addictions are bad. Lets say you want to be healthy so you take up running. If you feel SIGNIFICANT because of how it makes you look, and are CERTAIN of the routine and the results that make up the whole experience, including the “runner's high” that causes you to feel CONNECTED with yourself and thoughts as you run, while taking new trails and running in new cities listening to new music allowing VARIETY and UNCERTAINTY to make it all fresh.
Anything you do habitually now is a habit because it meets these needs.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
NOW…which one is primary – number #1 for you? Which one is secondary? Are these the same as your spouse? Do you have at least one in common? If not, you really need to look at the next point.
THE TWO QUALITIES THAT PERFECT and SANCTIFY ANY OF THE ABOVE…in essence, making you perfected in love…
#1. Growth. The need to become more. To expand and enlarge and increase until a fullness of capacity is formed.
#2. Contribution. Similar to serving, this word describes a desire to add to another, enhance, help, bring to wholeness. To do that which meets the need and advance the happiness and well-being of another.
These two new EMOTIONAL NEEDS can be DEVELOPED, and when they are, they create a fully actualized human being. I'm sure you can see how these can be made to apply to any relationship, especially if the one you love does not share your primary emotional need.
Lance: My primary emotional need is “significance” and secondary “uncertainty.”
How about you??????