I ran into a quote saying, “your character determines the company you keep,” and that is true. But then I got to thinking about Paul's admonition…
“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.'”
(1 Cor 15:33)
At the 7mGen youth program last week a young person asked me how to categorize relationships. A great question! Who should I have as friends?
The parable of “The Good Samaritan” came to mind. Right away I realized Jesus had addressed this question when a man shot it to Him from the crowd… “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus turned it back by telling a story about a man who fell among thieves and was dying on the side of the road till the Samaritan passed by. Adding a slight dig to the religious hypocrisy of the day, Jesus had a pious Levite and Priest pass by the poor fellow and cross over to the other side of the street to avoid him. The Samaritan brought the man to a hotel and covered his expenses till he recovered. Then Jesus, ever the master teacher asked – “Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers' hands?” Who was friend to the man who fell among thieves?
The one who showed mercy.
The question may not be “who should be my friend?” but rather, “how does a friend act?”
Here are three levels of RELATIONSHIP to consider:
Level #1 FRIENDSHIP. A believer's disposition should be friendly toward all. Looking for the one who needs a humane touch, a deposit of mercy. The Samaritan demonstrated he was a “friend” by how he handled someone in need.
Not all people are the same, however and you need to discern their spirits if possible. Dr. Henry Cloud suggests three categories of people in the Bible: the wise, the foolish and the evil.
Level #2. FELLOWSHIP. This is a level higher than friendship where you open up your heart and life. There is a sacred exchange that takes place at this level between hearts and souls. It is at this level that we are refreshed and sharpened, based on the company we keep.
There are many friends, fewer in fellowship and fewest in the third highest level….
Level #3 COVENANT. These are the people who rise out of fellowship to a place where you have a common bond, perhaps an assignment of some sort that ties you together. Jesus shared this level of intensity with a small group. In the crush of all three groups needing something, these people are moved to the top of your list of concerns.
If the company you keep is not moving you forward, they are most likely holding you back. Hard as it may be for some, make the decision to walk only with those who cause you to show up as your best self. These are those who accept you totally and unconditionally on one hand, and on the other, require you to live up to your star potential and confront you when you are playing small.
In any two-party relationship one person is influencing the other. Make sure you know who is influencing whom.
And I deeply appreciate that many of you allow me to enter the sacred space of a writer you read. I steward this trust carefully.
–Pruning is painful sometimes. Remove the branches (relationships) that suck away your strength.
Lance
Excellent blog Lance. You’re right about Level 3 – Covenant. As I think about the Covenant relationships that I have formed through the years, two attributes are magnified in my mind…Trust & Loyalty. Both of these stem from motives that are pure in the pursuit of the common goal. In this relationship, no one is jockeying for position or accolades. The assignment takes priority over personal ego. This type of relationship also extends to future generations of the ones who have made Covenant.
Blessings,
Ricky
This was a right now word for me. I needed this because I needed clarity on my friendships so I know how to manage them.
This email on Relationships is so good. Thanks for sharing with us.
For me a very timely word and confirmation.
When Jesus was here on earth his disciples were in three groups. The 70, considered the outer group. The 12, Judas (who betrayed Jesus) was in the 12. And there were the CORE group: Peter, James and John. There was His most intimate relationship, His relationship with the Father.
One sure fire way to either PROGRESS or DIGRESS is centered on the company one keeps. Good word that one never grows tired of hearing!!
Amen, Dr. Lance. I have, and am still learning discernment and boundaries. Holy Spirit does not need our help or interference. As I grow older and ask in prayer, Wisdom and Understanding have made a greater and greater covenant with me. They have Blessed me and caused many more Blessings as well as Peace (Shalom) enter my life. With Holy Spirit, Wisdom, Understanding, Revelation and Word of Knowledge, effective intercessory prayer WILL intervene on behalf of those that are the objects. Answered prayer and miracles are accelerating and answered more quickly at present times than in times past. I praise our Lord Who has sozo-ed them out of their troubles and captivity! Shalom…from Wasilla, Alaska
Dr. Lance
Good word as always and oh so true. They say it is lonely at the top. Keep pressing on for the top of the mountain my friend. We keep you and the family in our prayers. Please greet Lance Jr. for me I hope he is doing well. Is he still training? God Bless You!!
PC
cell 970-227-7712
Very interesting Dr. Lance. You have qualified that those whom you keep company with, may at times confront you, but how does one tell the difference between necessary growth through some adversity and feeling that your energy is being sucked away? I’m in a position where I felt certain that the Lord led me and promoted me into, after 2 years I’m feeling absolutely exhausted and beaten. I’m seeing behaviors in leaders that I’m not comfortable with and am questioning why I’m here, is it to make an impact? to grow spiritually and learn to rely on Him? or did I misinterpret the initial leading? Something resonated within me while reading your message. Just not sure what exactly……
Dear Elena
The Bible states that the devil will seek to wear out the saints of the Most High by good works. Rather enter into the Finished Work of Jesus – the fullness of the redemptive achievements of Jesus Christ, which He accomplished by HIs death on the cross, burial, resurrection, ascension. It is when you come to Him in fellowship, and learn from Him the unforced rhythms of His Grace, that you find true rest.
As great as it is to pursue what you felt called to, it is as critical to pursue it in a manner that is God-honouring and God-pleasing. This means operating by Faith in HIs Word, by applying New Covenant teaching of the New Testament Apostles – particularly Paul, Peter, and James – as these are the principles of how Jesus is building His Church.
Finally, heed Jesus’ warning to avoid the leaven of the Pharisees – being mixed covenantal teaching – old wineskins which are incapable of holding new wine.
I agree with all three levels, and thank you for your wisdom in sharing this article Lance! Though, the only thing I have trouble with sometimes is that once you remove all the people that either are bringing you down, negative relationships etc. (pretty much clean up your contacts 🙂 then your left with…very few people! To be honest, I can count on one hand the people that fall under category 2 and 3. Anyone else have that problem? Or is that not a problem, but a good thing because the less the better? Thanks!
Thanks so much Lance! What I have found out is as you continuously prune the negative relationships, you end up with more energy and time to grow. It is true your contact list may at first decrease, but then it will begin to increase again with more of what you need to grow to higher levels.
I marvel at The Holy Spirit. I believe this is truly timely and a confirmation, having recently severed a friendship of some 30 years and awakening to the reality that I am now free from a negative, manipulating, bitter, unforgiving, self-centred, attention seeking and selfish spirit behind the individual. Talk about scales falling off one’s eyes and energy restored! A lesson learned and now having the grace to forgive and move on. Thank you Lance & blessings to one and all at home.